i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
