Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
