Kiss
Puke
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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