I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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