After last night, I could never be a politician.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
