I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
