no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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