U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
