Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
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she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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