Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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