Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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