shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
