he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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