ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
