"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
