problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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