Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
be right there i have to get my cape
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
