On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
