i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
