your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
