I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
