So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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