I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
