Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
