dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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