You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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