girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Every concussion has its silver lining
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
