So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
