A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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