I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
