Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
