those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
