i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
