Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
