I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
