a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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