Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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