highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
