I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
