I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
