I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
