i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
