hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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