a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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