well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
