If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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