Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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