she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
