what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My balls are so social today.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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