He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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