The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
