bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
