first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
