I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
