I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
