In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
