I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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