just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
