I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
