Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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