maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
