she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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