omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
