he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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