Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
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I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
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Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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