You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
