1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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